Just not much to say
cold day on Assateague Island
The Odyssey – cake and ice cream remix
Two a.m. My cell rings it is my friend I was half expecting and definitely hoping for the call. She had just gotten home and wanted me to visit with her. I would get the same call IM or text three or four times a week alway in the early hours of the morning. It was a straight forward arrangement the relationship was past love or romance and now was friend ship and lust. It was simple most times I get the message, get into my car and drive out into the night 20-30 minutes up 270 and I was there. An hour or two later and I drove home. This time she had a request. I was to pick up a fourth of a sheet cake or 2 round cakes and 2 half gallons of ice cream and two 2L bottles of cola in diet one regular. I got into my car and headed south to the closest 24 hour grocery store. I really had only half guessed it would be open I was relived to see a shopped exiting with a cart full of bags. As I entered I noted on crasher checking out another late night shopper. I found the cake first white with a butter cream icing. The cola eluded me as I crossed the store from the produce to frozen goods where I found the ice cream. I made a detailed search of the soda finding it after walking nearly back to the produces again. With my list filled I started to the check out lane. I get the lane to find the same customer
I had seen when I entered the store still being checked out. As I got to the line I saw he had only a few items dog food, cookies, charcoal, cigarettes, a few other things. It seemed somehow the cigarettes were upsetting his balance. A few more minutes revealed that the store had upgraded there register software that very night and the half sleeping casher was unable to correct the pice for the shopper. The casher summoned a manager who walked zombie like out of an office to say that he had no idea how to fix anything on the new software. The customer left without saying anything else. The two employes looked at his unpurchased good as if they had somehow become contaminated. I asked if they would be trying to ringing me up I was answered with mumbles and downcast eyes. As close as I could guess they had said they would try. It seemed the other customer leaving had caused even more problems as neither of the drowsy men knew how to void his uncompleted sale. They also had no idea how to open another register. I thought to leave cash but found I had none. I left as the customer before me, without a word or anything to show for my time. I called her told her the news. “Hey”
“Hey you on the way”
“Well, I had the stuff you wanted but they cant sell it to me”
“What do you mean”
“They have issues. The guy in front of me in line left without his stuff to”
“Well, I kind of needed that stuff for work”
“Yea I figured that but like I have no idea where else is open this time of night babe. You know a place up by you maybe?”
“…No”
“So…”
“I can just put it off a day…What time is it?”
“Just past three you getting tiered?”
“Yea…sorry you mind.”
“No big deal I mean I would rather then not but I understand”
“I know, sorry Juan. Tomorrow for sure.”
“What ever, you know how to get hold of me. If you want me.”
“Yea I will find you thanks for trying”
“Yea … sorry any way … take it easy. “
“You too”
I with that I was on my way back home.
The next night I am killing virtual nazis in call of duty. When I hear my IM program is receiving messages. Four minutes left in the round I opt to finish fighting off the Huns before logging out to see who was messaging me. Once I brought you the IM’s I saw it was her. I also saw she was still in need of cake and ice cream. I got online and found another 24 hour grocery store this one was a bigger more upscale chain I even clled to confirm there were up and running. I headed down 270 this time headed to Bethesda.
I ended up driving just as far south as I would have north had I gone straight to her place. I pick up a few things I need then walk in the direction of the bakery. I can’t believe it when I see that the bakery and frozen food area are both closed off for floor replacement. I hesitated only a moment before ducking under the caution tape and even less time before someone spotted me and I was ordered back across. I attempted to first get the guy to just fetch my items at his refusal I offered him a twenty he looked at it for a moment then he was called away by someone else. I again left a store with nothing. I headed back north figuring the store I had visited the night before had to have resolved there issues during the day. The empty parking lot and hand written sign told me I was wrong. I sat in my car wondering how something so great as a late night call for sex could have devolved into this sadistic scavenger hunt. I reached for my phone then I was somehow inspired and left it there. I started the car and headed to the king of all 24 hour stores 7-11. I found the ice cream easily then boxed up the 10 donuts they had. I was in and out in a few minutes and off the next 7-11 along my route. Two stops later I had two dozen donuts. I got onto the highway and made my way north just past the city of Frederick. I pulled into the parking lot of her apartment and texted her letting her know I was on the way up. I get to the door give it a knock and it is answered by her roommate. Now this was new half the reason we meet so late was to avoid her roommate.
“So you are Juan”
“That’s me”
“Is that the cake and ice cream?”
“It is what passes for it at 3 am.”
“What?”
“Two things of ice cream and 24 assorted donuts”
“No cake?”
“No cake”
“Ummm”
“Yea”
“Ok well she is in there leave that on the table I will take care of it.”
“Sure…”
“I know what is going on”
“Well I figure you know now if you did not before. We have a problem?”
“Would it stop you?”
“…Maybe”
“No we don’t, me and her talked”
“I guess she will tell me how that went?”
“Guess so. You really still going in there with me here?”
“Yea not saying I know what we will do, but yea I am going in”
“…”
“Yea”
I dropped off the donuts and ice cream on the table and walked to her bedroom.
Scary Movies?
I treated my self and went to see 1408 today.(NO SPOILERS HERE) I can’t say it is something you need to go run out and see. It was not bad for a much needed distraction from my day to day. What I want to write about was why I find this style of horror
more… frightening. I really just don’t find slasher stuff all that scary or even monsters zombies vampires and the like just don’t scare me. Now don’t get me wrong I like a lot of vampire zombie and monster movies what I am saying is there not scary. I just don’t see an attack by a psychotic vampier zombie slasher to be any more of a real world problem then being attacked by a grizzly bear. What the hell is Juan talking about? Well what i mean Is all of these things can be over come with the proper application of: evasion skills (run/hide), kinetic energy (smash/crush). thermal energy (burn/freeze).
Now what is really scary are the things you can’t burn smash or run your way out of. Things you can’t really fight that is scary. A place or thing that can ignore the laws of physics and time that gets my heart going. The prospect of helplessness a situation that I could not hope to think or fight my way out of that sends chills down my spine. I guess this is some what revealing of my personality. Any way if this is your sort of thing too you may want to check out some of theses movies. Blair Witch 2, a real movie and so much better the the first one even better if you can get a dvd with the esrever features. Gothika I have not seen this one in some time but i know I liked it. The Haunting 1999not the best but much better the the other remake that came out at the same time. Thir13en Ghosts ok not the best acting but a fun movie. May not the same at all but a really good move. The photo is something I did to be used on a book cover lets hope they pic it and pay me.
Estate Accounts Need State Tax Numbers that you dont get from the State
I tried and failed to make progress on The estate of my father yesterday. According to the attorney, I had every thing I would need to go around and close out all of his accounts and open the estate account. Once the estate account is open i can then go pay off his few debts and really put things to rest. I got to the bank that I planed to open the estate account at and I find out that I needed a state tax id number. No one at the bank knew where I would get such a thing so that was a big help. I thinking i knew my way around the WWW decided to go find out on line. After much looking around the Maryland Comptrollers website I gave up. I gave the attorney a call and found out you don’t get STATE tax id numbers from the state you get them from the IRS. Any way all you need to do to get a tax id number is to go to IRS.gov and find the ss4 form. You can even fill it out on line and get a provisional number right away. So tomorrow armed with my provisional number I will try again to open an estate account. Also just as a frustration bonus as I was driving from bank to back closing accounts and finding empty safety deposit boxes I got a speeding ticket and a sun burn. 
Back
I lost the month of June, I did no work and lost touch with the world at large. I am working back into my normal life now, I have been back at the night job for a week now. I am back in my own house too. There are still things to be done to deal with the estate but for the most part my time is again my own.
I am working on catching up on all the media I consume. I would have to say a thank you to the few podcast I did make time for last month; Keath and the Girl and tea with Hungry Lucy both added some much needed humor also The Chillcast with Anji Bee as well as the music of Lovespirals Atomica Hungry Lucy as well as the rest of my usual music line up made or good music to grieve too. Any way look forward to more nonsensical posts on here from me soon
Juan Guevara 1947-2007
It was Saturday June 6th 5am just as the sun was rising. I wanted to open the blinds more to let the sun shine on him I did not, instead I remover the tube from his nose, some thing they had taped to his ear lobe. When I removed the blood pressure cuff the skin under was still warm… I tilted his head in an effort to close his mouth. The light from him was gone and only the shell was there. I could do nothing more for him and I wished I could have done more. His mother, my grandmother was brought in. She sat next to the body of her only son and prayed over it.
late night guilt
I have spent the vast majority of the last 2 days sitting in a hospital room with my father. He is stable but so far he has needed 8 units of blood and 2 of plasma transfused. He is still bleeding slowly internally. He is jaundice and his liver and other organs are damaged. For the most part every one that knows him well knows how he go to this point. Drinking. H has abused sense before I was born. He has clearly brought this on him self… I still feel guilt. I feel implicated. Sure in resent years me and his other children and other family members have all at one point or another had an intervention with him. Each and every one has worked… to a point. First he cut out hard liquor then he even cut back on his beer. He went from being almost always drunk to only a few times a week. At each of these mile stone I felt better that things were moving in the right direction. Here we are i tell my self there is plenty of blame to go around and mine should be minimal but… i feel it the full wight of it every drink I watched him down, as an independent adult i feel i could have done something more not settled for the half measures. Not gone to see him when he had been drinking not go out to eat with him if he was going to drink and on and on. At the time seemed like a choice between having him in my life drunk or drinking or not having him in my life. Well from where i sit now after spending another 16 hours at the hospital that choice should have been easer i should have tried harder i should have done some thing years ago that could have headed off the crises he is in now. I don’t know what it was but all the options are running around my head and keeping me up. In a few hours i need to go back I need to be strong calm and reassuring I need to have the answers and the questions. I tell my self its not my fault but i still feel the guilt. In time it will all sort out I guess all the fear and anxiety I am hiding will come out. I just need to keep it together a few more days. In the end the question I hear ( I am loth to quota scripture) Am I my brothers (fathers) keeper?
NOTE I hope to edit this for spelling and grammar when i have he time to do it right till then this raw post will have to do.
Money v. Happiness
So just about this time Last year I left my job at Kohls. I left 3 weeks paid vacation good heath and dental insurance 401k and all the rest. I started down the path to being a full time photographer. I am so much happier then before it is impossible to quantify. Things are going in the right direction with my “career” but there not to that steady check point yet. Looking back sure there are few things I would change if i could. I have taken a over night job two or three days a week to help pay the rent and buy food. The money I make from photography goes to pay bills and the rest gets put back in to build the business. I have less then half the disposable income I had before. This mean I have have the same clothes I had the day I left Kohls, when my 20 gig iPod died I went to using the 512mb Iriver I got to use as a voice recorder. I used to eat out 3 or 4 times a week now its more like once every few weeks. I buy less CDs and DVD’s. Sounds like I am bitching? Not at all, I weigh less and my hair has stopped falling out That eye twitch has gone way I have not taken an antacid sense I left. I am at pice with myself and enjoying life that much more. I have what I really need and the rest can wait. So when I got a call from Kohls offering me more money to come back. I did not have to think about it long. In the end its not stuff or wads of green that make you happy its control over your own time and destiny.
The Real Problem With Piracy
So yea record labels, movie studios and software companies lose money. Sure maybe some of you feel pangs of gilt when they down load the latest from Tatu. The real problem how ever is that people are getting used to hearing music as bad .mp3s watching .AVIs and worse of all video captures of movie screens. Not only are we missing real CD sound and dvd quality video, we are setting a trend. A trend that we would be happy to except lower quality in exchange for convenience. This goes for buying any thing on the iTunes “music” store. Even when we do pay we are happy to get crap quailty. On one side we are buying larger HD TV’s, bigger monitors and 100 dollar plus earbuds. On the other side we are feeding all this high resolution/fedelity gear crap. That really all I have to say about it. 
Loving OmniOutliner
I wanted/needed to start the out line for the AWWP. I started to use Word then Pages and both of them were a bit too bulky. A lot of there features getting in the way so I gave OmniOutliner a try (it came with my imac). After about 40 minutes of watching really well done tutorials I have the software down. Any way if you do any out lining check it out.
